I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
