i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
