It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
