So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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