He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
