at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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