we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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