Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
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life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after