just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.