I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank