Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I could make wine with my vomit
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really