Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
