hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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