I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
