She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize