i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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