I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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