at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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