Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like eating out sand paper
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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