i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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