Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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