i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
