..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
