That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
