I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
