Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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