You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
