No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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