shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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