My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
