So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
