Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
