i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
