Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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