Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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