Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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