so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
