dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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