Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
