I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
