I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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