after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize