i permit you to call me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
