got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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