Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
