my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
