i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
