hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
