why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
