Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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