i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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