I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
