will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
