Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
