omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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