I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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