he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
