Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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