If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
