My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
