My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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