haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
