My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
